How To Annoy The Children Of The Red King
by xxJasderoxx
Summary: The title pretty much tells you what it is about......But it is not all the people.......it is only people like asa and manfred and stuff...........so.......Enjoy!I suck at summaries! I HAVE ADDED A NEW CHAPTER NOW 3 CHAPTERS!
1. How to annoy the children of the redking

How to annoy Asa:

How to annoy Asa:

Call him Axel.  
2) Even better, call him Fang. Ask him where Max is.  
3) Ask him about his relationship with Manfred.  
4) Call him Ron (Weasley). If you get tired of that, call him Ginny (Weasley).  
5) Sing 'Weasley is our King' whenever he does anything.  
6) When he does something that pleases Manfred, scream 'GRY-FFIN-DOR! GRY-FFIN-DOR!'.  
7) Follow him around everywhere. If he tells you to leave him alone, hug him, go limp, and stay like that for the rest of the day.  
8) Glue doggy ears to his hair.  
9) Put a necklace of bones and teeth around his neck. Whenever he does something that annoys you, scream 'SIT!'  
10) Tell him he's gonna have to put up with Manfred forever. Laugh evilly while he screams. (This could be taken the opposite way, he could be happy about that...)

How to annoy Olivia:

Run up behind her, jump up, and scream 'Gojiraaaa!!'  
2) Tell her that her hair looks weird.  
3) Ask her if she's gonna cosplay as anybody anytime soon.  
4) Suggest that she cosplay as Yugi Mutou, because her hair looks like Yugi's.  
5) Sing 'Pon De Replay' by Rihanna constantly.  
6) Ignore her.  
7) Laugh evilly when she tries desparately to get attention.  
8) Speak. Really. Really. Really. Slowly. Exactly. Like. This. Speak. As. Slowly. As. Possible.  
9) End all your sentences with -nyu! or -cha!  
10) Speak in a Texan accent. (Just keep 'em guessin', people.)

How to annoy Tancred:

Ask him about his relationship with Lysander.  
2) Sit behind him. Whenever he uses his endowment to blow things around the room, make farting sounds.  
3) Watch him play Kingdom Hearts 1. Whenever he makes Sora cast Aeroga, and Sora says 'Wind!', immediately shout 'Break wind!'  
4) Mess up his hair.  
5) Ask him if he's from 'Norwegia.'  
6) Braid his hair, and put it up in pretty pink ribbons.  
7) If he tells you that he does not find your mocking of his endowment (weather controlling), tell him 'Suuuuuure ya do, buddy.'  
8) Laugh at him if he tries to call lightning down from the sky. Try not to get hit.  
9) Call him 'Stormy'.  
10) Ask him if he's joined the X-Men yet.

How to annoy Paton:

If he's driving you somewhere in his car, sing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. Do not stop until he makes the car explode.  
2) Ask him if he's related to Johnny Depp.  
3) Run up and down the hallway next to his room shrieking 'Dattebayo! Dattebayo!' while he's working.  
4) Ask him when he's gonnna marry Julia Ingledew.  
5) Tell him that if he's gonna marry Julia, tell him that that will leave Charlie in an awkward position because he will be related to Emma, and therefore not be able to end up with her.  
6) Ask him to sing 'Epiphany' from the Sweeney Todd soundtrack.  
7) If he refuses to answer any questions about Julia, tell him that he looks exactly like Sweeney Todd.  
8) Call him a lazy bum.  
9) Tell him to get a job. Suggest being a barber. Tell him that Julia needs meat for her meat pies.  
10) Put his papers out of order while he's doing something else, then, when he's confused enough, put his papers back in order.

How to annoy Dagbert:

Ask him why he smells weird.  
2) Call him 'Fishboy'.  
3) Ask him if he has webbed feet.  
4) Run up to him, lick his forehead, and say 'Mmmm, salty.'  
5) Try to remove his shoes, just to check if he has webbed feet.  
6) Sing 'The Mariner's Revenge Song' by the Decemberists wherever he goes.  
7) Tell him he has a weird name.  
8) Tell him at dinner that if he eats fish, that's cannibalism.  
9) Tell him he's weird-looking.  
10) If he really does have webbed feet, poke them and say 'Ooooh, I knew it!' 11) Tell him that if you change the D and B in your name, It will sound like Dirt Bag.

How to annoy Charlie:

Go up to him, point to a random spot on his face, and ask him "What's that on your face? It looks icky."  
2) When you talk to him, look at his hair. Pretend you're talking to his hair, and not him.  
3) Ask him if his hair has gotten so thick that it's gained sentience, like Xaldin's sideburns.  
4) If you pat his head, pretend that your hand's being eaten by his hair.  
5) Hide banned things in his hair, like iPods and cellphones. Blame it on somebody else if Manfred catches you.  
6) If you pat his head, ask him if his hair has always grown cellphones and iPods.  
7) Read bad fanfiction to him, like ManfredXCharlie or DagbertXCharlie.  
8) Laugh evilly while he screams because of the badness of the fanfiction.  
9) Tell him that if his uncle marries Julia Ingledew, that makes him and Emma related, and therefore can't end up with each other.  
10) If he finds things in his hair, tell him that his hair was putting stuff in itself on its own.

How to annoy Manfred:

1) Ask him about his relationship with Asa.  
2) Ask him how he liked yesterday's episode of General Hospital.  
3) Tell him he looks like Snape.  
4) Use all his taped episodes of General Hospital to tape something boring, like Now with Bill Moyers.  
5) Ask him when he's going to go on a date with Asa.  
6) Tell him that Asa's madly in love with him.  
7) Call him 'Freddy' or 'Fred'.  
8) Tell Asa that Manfred's madly in love with him.  
9) Ask him about his relationship with Charlie.  
10) Call him a pedophile, even when he insists that he doesn't have a relationship with Charlie.


	2. What not to do at Bloors

What not to do a t bloors

Don't ask Manfred if asa is secretly his lover

Don't wear a false mustache infront of manfred, especially at dinner time

Don't ask Tancred how the weather is up there

Don't convince Billy that the dinner at Bloors was a living breathing animal only a few days before.

Don't put super glue on Mr. Bloor's chair at dinner.

Do not threaten people by saying you will call up Jenny and get her to wright them out of the story

Do not fill Manfred's office with balloons

Don't blind fold Ezekiel and put his wheelchair in front of the stairs

Don't sidle up to Manfred and say in a slimy voice, "So, you and that Zelda? Know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink? Say no more, eh? Say no more."

Don't imply to Ezekiel that you have magical powers that may be of use to him.

Don't snigger when Manfred tells you he will one day succeed in his mission to defeat Charlie Bone.

Don't snigger when Charlie tells you he will one day succeed in his mission to defeat Manfred Bloor.

Don't gather up your robes and ponce around in front of Olivia, singing, "Oh look at ME I'm Olivia Vertigo and all I can do is prance and twirl! Tralalalalalala!" etc.

Don't try to eat Billy.

If you do try to eat Billy, do not use the excuse, "I thought he was a marshmallow."

Don't follow Tancred around shouting "BREAK WIND!"

Don't annoy Lysander.

And if you do, don't say, "Whatcha gonna do, huh? Punk?"

And when you have been beaten up by his spiritual ancestors, do not attempt to file a law suit against them.

Don't gather worms, present them to Emma and say "I brought you a snack."

Don't steal the strings on Fidelio's violin, then sell them to him later at a ridiculous price.

Don't tell Gabriel to "cheer the hell up, fishface."

Don't act surprised when he punches you in the face.

Don't bring a massive bag of drawing pins to school, then empty the bag near Joshua Tilpin.

Do not tell Mr Onimous that you thought he was a dog.

Do not tell shout 'HURRICAN TANCRED' infront of Tancred.

Do not tell Gabriel that his endowment is nothing special then he thinks it is.

Do not tell Charlie that you had accidently killed his moth.

Do not tell Paton that you were Julia's previous boyfriend.

Do not tell Julia that you were Paton's previous girlfriend.

Do not tell Lysander to teach his parrot manners.

Do not put on a ridiculous wig and call yourself Olivia.

Don't set Dagbert alight (he'll just put it out)

Don't give slip charlie an envelope containing naughty photos and insist that they will help him defeat manfred.

Don't tell olivia there is a part going somewhere for girl prtending to be a guy

Don't eat one of Olivia's apples

Don't tell Manfred you wouldn't push him out of bed for eating Crackers  
And if you do don't act suprised when you get detention

Do not run down the halls screaming your lungs out.

Do not make wood carvings into the table in the kings room.

Do not put a beard on the picture of the red king.

Do not rig your locker so every time you open it it makes car horn sounds.

Do not rig the school bell so it plays "the fun song" instead of ringing and insist you will not make it stop till someone adopts Billy.

Do not put hello kitty posters in Manfred's office.

Do not turn the lights on and off in the kings room to the beet of techno music.

Do not scare Billy so bad he has nightmares and wets his bed.

Do not go around saying "Mooooooooooo" and say nothing else.

Do not go around and talk like a mid evil gansta.

Don't ask Oliva if the reason she dyes her hair is cause she's going prematurely grey

Do not draw Tancred in front of a large crowd, pull a large spider out of your pocket, and dangle it into his face.

If you have already done the above, do not proceed to snigger and inform the crowd that Tancred is a chicken.

Do not call Manfred ma'am instead of sir.

Do not ask Olivia whether she has an identity problem

Don't make fun of Ezekiel by saying, "_haha, you're in a wheelchair_!"

Don't say to Tancred, "_Can you please bring out less wind and more sunshine_?"

Don't call Olivia Tonks. She'll kill you.

Don't tell Billy that he'll never get a family.

Don't ask Naren, "_Hey, aren't you suspossed to be at Bloor's_?"

Don't send Charlie a big box of porn and claim that Manfred sent it.

**NEVER** refer to Lysander as a African Englishman unless you want him to set his ancestors on you!

Never tell Manfred that Charlie likes him; or tell Charlie that Manfred likes him.

Don't tell Emma that all aunts are mean. She'll turn into a bird and peck your eyes out.

And most of all, NEVER, EVER, EVER refer to the Children of the Red King as muggles. They're not. Seriously

Don't tell docas she's fat

Don't call dagbert cannible when he eats fish

Don't throw pensils in charlie's hair and pretend they hit you in the eye

Don't call asa rover

Don't tell emma it's bird season

Don't sing 'the sun will come out tomorrow' when tancred makes it rain

Don't trust Dorcas with your laundry.

Don't start calling manfred MAnfred the Mustache Man

Don't call him Manny boy either (Only reserved for grandma's)

Don't tell Naren her real parents were Yorath Yewbeam.

And don't sing "Here comes little boy blue, of to bloors like a posh cockatoo," when Charlie comes by.

If you're reserving a pet for Tancred at Pet's Cafe make sure you don't keep spiders to prevent sruck fingers and ultimate downpour

And That's all for now next time I will put one about 'you read too much charlie bone when.........'

Stay Tuned X3


	3. You read too much Charlie Bone when

You read too much charlie bone when...............

You see a guy with yellow eye's and say "Hi Asa"

A person stares at you for about 2 min's and you say " Sorry I can't be hypnotized"

You smell fish and you run in the other direction

A pencil falls on the floor and you stare at it untill people start to notice

Someone says, "No talking!" and you say, "Yes, Manfred!"

You look ten times before you walk again, if you see a statue.

You ask every bird, if its name is Emma.

When you ask your friends if they want to meet up in the Pet's Cafe.

When you see someone with dyed hair and you say Hi Olivia!

When the lightbulb goes out and you mutter "for goodness sake, Paton."

When you see a particularly evil looking piece of clothing you have to wear and you say "Has anyone named Venetia been near this?"

When someone's staring inot space you say "been hypnotised recently?"

Or you pat their arm sympathetically and go "Manfred again?"

When there's a storm and you think "oh looks like Tancred's a bit moody"  
(I did that once at school when it was raining and really REALLY windy! I said "Why is Tancred always screwing up the weather around here? Did Manfred do something again?" and everyone (including my science teacher) looked at me and my science teacher said "Do you need to see the health office?" and I yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! PLEASE!!! DON"T SEND ME TO MATRON!!!!!!!!")

when something hits you in the back of the head you look for identical twins...

when you meet a female teacher with a son at the same school they teach at you are instantly suspiciuos...

You see three cats and say Hi Flames!

When you pick up a stick off the ground and call "Hey Charlie, I found your wand."

You see a scary, mean looking old lady and you go "Ahh! Grandma Bone!" and you run away screaming in a high pitch.

You meet someone who has the same name/remsembles one of the CB villains, and you spend the rest of your time with them casting them dirty, mistrustful looks.

You start sorting people into Departments.

When you start talking to animals and claim to be Billy.

You have stared at a light bulb for ages, willing it to explode.

You give a homemade scarf to your enemy and wonder why there not dieing.

You dread going to the nurse's office because you are convinced you are going to meet Matron and will be worse when you come out then when you went in!

Your mum asks you if you want to go to an old ruin and you go "NOOOOOOOO ASA WILL GET ME HE LIVES IN THE RUINS!!!"

When you get sent to the headteachers office and you go "nooo dr bloor will try to make me change sides"

When you have a headache and you think "god the ancestors must be angry"

You've stared at a photo for hours, waiting for voices to come from it.

You see a black jewelled belt in a shop, and you jump about a metre in the air, scream, and run away.

You say, "Look! There's Claerwen!" Every time you see a moth.

Whenever u see an alligator u look around and say "does olivia live around here?!" instead of pointing and screaming like everyone else.

when you are convinced your a power booster because your light bulbs always blow.

when you feel eyes watching you and you think "oh no not asa again"

When you see someone with spikey hair and run upto them going "Tancred....tancred im here!!!!!"

When your little brother plays with a marble and you clap a hand over his eyes screaming:"I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH EZEKIEL"

You see a blue snake and run away screaming "IT'S GOING TO TURN ME INVISIBLE!!"

You beam happily at any man who is over six feet tall with dark hair.

You see a small asian girl in a yellow raincoat and give her your glove and say "Message me."

When you see an albino and growl at him for kicking blessed.

When you see a dog staring at you, you say "Sorry I'm no Billy I can't understand you."

You hear a wolf Howl and you wonder what's happening to Asa...

You watch one of leeland's music videos and start thinking the lead singer looks kinda like Asa.

When someone sees you staring at a photograph for ages they say "Not again!"

You hear the name Pike somewhere and scream ASA

You see a bird sitting outside your window and you close the curtains

When your pet goes missing you go looking for Naren's House.

When it gets a bit stormy and your convinced its going to rain frogs any second

When you see an old man in a wheelchair and run away incase its Zeke coming to kidnap you.

When you jump out your window beacuse you think your a bird.

After dusk you go into any ruin or place you think Asa's likely to be.

You call good guy violin players Fidelio.

Someone smells like fish and you yell, "RUN!!! IT'S DAGBERT!"

You wonder if the bits of paper in someone's hair are because of he has the power of magnetism.

You walk into a book shop and ask if you can see Emma.

You see a white horse and yell, "Queen Berniece! It's me! Your child who hasn't discovered what my endowment is!"

You run up eagerly to guys with unruly, hedge-like hair and ask if you could see Claerwen.

Someone tocuhes you and it is too warm you say "Get off Manfred."

When you get home and you smell cooking you say "Maisie what's for dinner?"

You see someone hurriedly throw off a piece of clothing and ask, "Are you okay, Gabriel?"

A breeze blows around you and you yell, "Stop tickling me, Tancred!"

You go to any place making music only for the drums, in the hope that Lysander's ancestors are making the noise and that he's nearby.

You run from frail old men in wheel chairs shouting, "HE'S MURDEROUS, I TELL YOU! MURDEROUS!"

You run towards any wailing howls in the night shouting, "I'm coming, Asa!"

you see someone in red boots and run away incase its aunt Venetia

You run up to Dagbert-type boys, lick them, then run away yelling, "It's okay, it's not him!"

You ask a girl named Emma if you can pet her duck named Nancy.

You look at tall people and wonder if they're taller than Paton.

You talk about the characters like you know them personally

You walk into new look, spot a pair of sparkly high heel shoes and say "i betcha olivia would like these..."

You threaten people by telling them you will get dagbert to drown them

And the Last thing,

You read too much Charlie Bone when you make a chapter called 'you too much charlie bone when...' XD

Sorry if I did some repeats of some Xd I didn't read it over.

Anywho enjoy!^^ I might do another chapter but IDK what it might be about....Feel free to leave ideas in reveiws!~ 


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